Artemis 81 should never have been made. Once made it should never have been broadcast by the BBC. Once broadcast it should never have been released (and mistitled) on DVD, and I should never have bought a copy. And finally I should never have uploaded it to CABTV.

Imagine if Neil Breen had only ever seen one film. That film may very well have been Artemis 81. At 179 minutes running time it is interminable. Believe me, the hours will not fly by. Remember that point in The Blockhouse where the survivors realize that they are running out of candles and will spend the rest of their miserable lives trapped in total darkness? Well, any intrepid CAB TV viewer who insists on watching this to the bitter end will reach a point where they will envy those men.

What more can I say? It’s got Sting in it.

Here then, is the full line up.

17:20: The Shillingbury Blowers. Inoffensive Sunday evening drama about the worst brass band in England.

18:40: Artemis 81. It’s got Sting in it.

21:41 Les Enfants du Paradis. As a pallet cleanser we have someone dancing to this track by World’s End Girlfriend.

21:49 Michiko and Hatchin Parts 3 and 4. Having escaped the fuzz, the search for Hannah’s father begins in earnest. Michiko’s parenting skills are found to be sadly lacking.

22:34 Vigil (1984). A film set in what appears to be a post Threads New Zealand. 11 year old Toss witnesses her father’s death while out herding sheep, she is shocked to see another man present, who then carries her father’s body out of the bush. This fella then moves onto the farm and begins a relationship with her mother, Toss sees him as an invader into her isolated world.