This week's TV movie disaster is Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981). In a backwards shithole nightmare of a southern town, four toothless vigilante peckerwoods kill a mentally disabled man. They escape justice in the courts, but a much worse fate awaits them…
4.00 Ninja Warrior S05E02
4.20 St. Elsewhere S02E20 Cramming
5.05 Hill Street Blues S03E16 Moon Over Uranus: The Final Legacy
5.55 Cagney & Lacey S04E20 Con Games
6.45 Miami Vice S02E21 Free Verse
7.30 …
April is TV Movie Month on the Sepulchre. We kick things off this week with The Hoboken Chicken Emergency (1984). A lad called Arthur is asked to collect a bird for Thanksgiving dinner, and returns home with a gargantuan 266 pound chicken who becomes the family pet. However, she soon escapes into the stinking enclaves of the New Jersey borough, terrorising its homunculoid residents.
4.00 Ninja Warrior S05E02
4.20 St. Elsewhere S02E19 The …
This week Rob Lowe, Ice-T and Burt Reynolds (?!?!?) star in the US/Slovak gangster film Crazy Six (1997). Following the fall of communism, real bad mafia bastards duke it out for control of the lucrative arms trade amidst the dismal shithole nightmare Europe has become.
4.00 Ninja Warrior S05E01
4.20 St. Elsewhere S02E18 Equinox
5.05 Hill Street Blues S03E14 Moon Over Uranus
5.55 Cagney & Lacey S04E18 Lost and Found
6.45 Miami Vice S02E19 The Fix
7.30 …
There will be a late start this week - owing to that and a Cagney and Lacey two parter, there will be no film.
6.00 Ninja Warrior S04E03
6.20 St. Elsewhere S02E17 Vanity
7.05 Hill Street Blues S03E13 Gung Ho
7.55 Cagney & Lacey S04E16/17 Who Says It's Fair (Pts. 1 and 2)
9.30 Miami Vice S02E18 French Twist
10.15 The Micallef Program S01E07
10.40 Daria S03E11 The Lawndale File
11.00 Wildboyz S04E07
11.20 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia S05E02 …
This week's cinematic offering is the AIDS-tier martial arts buddy cop film Immortal Combat (1994), starring Rowdy Roddy Piper! "Indestructible warriors programmed to kill. This is no game."
4.00 Ninja Warrior S04E02
4.20 St. Elsewhere S02E16 After Dark
5.05 Hill Street Blues S03E12 Santaclaustrophobia
5.55 Cagney & Lacey S04E15 Stress
6.45 Miami Vice S02E16 Florence Italy
7.30 Immortal Combat (1994)
9.00 The Micallef Program S01E06
9.25 Daria S03E10 Speedtrapped
9.50 Wildboyz S04E06
10.10 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia S05E01 The Gang …
The 40th edition of the show will feature the sci-fi horror film Inesminoid (1981). A group of scientists are investigating the ruins of an ancient alien civilisation, when one of them is impregnated by a mysterious being.
4.00 Ninja Warrior S04E01
4.20 St. Elsewhere S02E15 Attack
5.05 Hill Street Blues S03E11 No Body's Perfect
5.55 Cagney & Lacey S04E14 Rules of the Game
6.45 Miami Vice S02E16 Little Miss Dangerous
7.30 Inseminoid (1981)
9.00 The Micallef Program S01E05
9.25 …
This week's film is the execrable cyber-sequel Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996). We pick up where the last film left off: having survived the explosion, a deformed Jobe is discovered by an entrepeneur who plans to make use of his powers, but our window licking protagonist has other ideas - such as creating a digital new world order! Pierce Brosnan dodged a bullet here as he'd fucked off to become James …
This week's film is Brett Leonard's sci-fi horror The Lawnmower Man (1992). In an adaptation so bad that Stephen King sued the filmmakers to remove his name from the title, a gardener with a learning disability (Jeff Fahey) is experimented on by a mad scientist (Pierce Brosnan) in order to increase his intelligence. The experiments give him superhuman powers, but he also becomes hell bent on evolving into a digital being!
4.00 …
This week's film is the Razzie-nominated shitefest End of Days (1999). Satan is bombing around late 90s New York posessing people and attempting to conceive the antichrist in order to bring about the titular END OF DAYS. Jericho Cane (Arnold Schwarzenegger), a grizzled steamer and former NYPD detective, is the only man who stands in his way. Can Cane stop him in time to save the world? Can Arnie even be arsed …
The Sepulchre returns for its 36th edition in 2024, replete with an absolute stinker of a Star Trek film. William Shatner stars alongside Patrick Stewart in Star Trek Generations (1994). The evil Tolian Soran (Malcolm McDowell) intends to destroy a star system [for reasons] and the two legendary Enterprise captains must work together to stop him. How could they possibly fuck this one up? Tune in to find out. Afterwards we have …
